Mood: Contemplative
Time: 5:24pm
Location: Starbucks @ NorthPoint
My intention originally was to write a post with regards to honesty. What would be the extent that honesty is acceptable in this community. Then i thought, fuck it. What you choose to be honest about is your business and i really couldn’t care less. If you want to know my views about honesty, ask me.
I want to talk about something that i may have touched on before. The state of mind of a person.
I’ve been told before that i write in a very negative way. I come across as a cynical grinch who’s main objective is to burst the dreams of others. After reading some of my previous posts, i actually agree. Recently i’ve been getting to try to know myself more. What defines me as being a bitch? What drives me to be the person i am? Have had lots of time to give things some thought and i have now a resolution.
To be a more positive person
I find that after being negative and cynical for the first 18 years of my life, it’s taken a toll on me. Warping my perception, thoughts and even actions. It drains and exhaust my mind and body. I don’t think in any case, it would ever be considered healthy. Why the sudden choice? Well, allow me to bring you readers a slight bit into the mind of a cynic.
When speaking to someone new. Perhaps it’s a pleasant looking chap with strong features or a lengthy babe approaching you with a seductive slink in her movement. But you’ll never be able to pay attention to any of because the only thing you are able to is stay hook. The circle of people you surround yourself with are merely people who shadows your opinions.
It’s difficult to stay negative constantly, but somehow, it’s addictive. I believe that not everyone was meant to be a hero. There always have to be a villain. But with time, i realized. I’m no longer able to categorize nor stereotype myself. I did unto myself what i have always resented. Labeling.
Perhaps a simple way to phrase it would be that i am enlightened. Sounds weird, but hear me out. We are constantly surrounded by an overwhelming amount of information. Majority of what we remember is directly proportional to how it affects us. Most people don’t remember exactly when the Bird flu or H1N1 strains started. But we will never forget the period of time in which pandemonium was let loose around the world. Reason being? It affected us one way or another. If it was a small contained outbreak, would anyone care? Would anyone even remember it ever happened?
Similarly, when we hear feedback about ourselves, we cling to them. (good or bad) It has taken me quite awhile but i think i’m confident enough at my stage of my life to receive comments and feed back and say ‘thank you. and fuck you very much=P ‘
Life is short. Staying negative only makes it much more dreadful to get through. Be confident, be proud and most importantly, be comfortable with who you are. When you die, you’ll still end up in that little urn on some boxy shelf. Why not make the best of it instead of having to constantly stay negative? I hope in some way, my writings have resonated within you while you are reading it. Lets be able to look up in the sky and see the clouds and birds and absorb the beauty of nature without just whining about the heat wave 
Look forward for the next post
Much love,
Johnathon Kwok
ps. I know i said i’m going to be positive. But of cuz i’m not going to go all peagenty/cheerleader-ish on you. You know its not a good look on me
