As siblings, you always compare. Who has the better clothes? Who’s got more friends? Who’s the one most doted on?
It’s a constant competition to see who can ‘one-up’ the other. Competitions can drive to push you forward or pull you down. How one chooses to deal with it, it’s up to yourself.
In my case, I have a older brother. I’m extremely proud to say that i have a brother like him. Never ashamed, never daunted and unafraid of how the world views him. He’s the sort of guy who probably has the line ‘My way or the highway’ printed on a tee. To me, he’s someone who is very confident and proud of himself. Self assured is how i would describe him i guess. I do look up to him a lot and i cannot think of a better brother to have. (Not to say that we never had our fights)
I always did feel (and sometimes still do) feel inferior to him. It seems like i can never get out of this shadow of his and the comparisons never stopped. From relatives to friends and even strangers. At one point, i was extremely agitated and hated being compared. I wanted my work and my life to be that of my own. I wanted to be seen as myself. Why is it that everything i did is always over shadowed by my brother? I wanted to be the lead too! Not just a supporting cast! It made me want to distance myself from my own brother. I didn’t really wanted to be associated with him. When i came out of the closet, many people asked me if i was just simply following my brother’s footstep because he had came out of the closet too. I was extremely irked by that.
For me, it became an obsession of wanting to run away from my brother’s shadow. How could i escape from merely being seen as the little brother? 2 friends helped me realized what i was doing and how stupid i really was.
The first friend is Kalvin. I remember being scolded by him for having such an unhealthy obsession.
He said “Be glad that you only have your brother’s shadow to think about! Some people have difficulty getting away from their past and their own shadows! You should be glad that you have an older brother looking out for you in this community!” It’s kinda funny how i still remember this seeing that this conversation was about 4 years ago. But it really did touch me. I was creating all this needless nonsense for nothing.
Another person that really helped me realized something is a friend named Benjamin. He helped me realize, there is nothing to feel bad or inferior about myself. Mutual friends may compare and even put me down when talking about me and my brother in the same conversation. But Ben really helped me realize that my brother has his strong suits. But i have mine too. Just like an apple and an orange. We are both strong individuals.
I guess in some way, its normal for siblings to wanna compare themselves to each other. But what i believe in strongly now is simply being comfortable who you are. No matter what anyone else says. I’m not totally immune to being compared and put down. And if there is a trigger in a conversation that can make me lose my composure, it’ll be my relationship with my family. But at least i know what i want and that is to be a happier person 
For everyone who feels inferior to another person, just remember that you always have a spark in you thats unique to yourself.
Johnathon Kwok
Song for this post: Firework by Katy Perry!
