In my short years of this life, I’ve been called many names. Some are encouraging compliments, while others, not so much. But I’m not whining or making it melodramatic. It’s part and parcel in life to be labelled. Good, bad. Insulting, complimenting. I suppose it’s part of the human psyche to generalize and make quick, easy to group, judgements. We’ve all done it haven’t we?
I’ve been given many identities by various people. Some deem me as a love guru due to my many ventures about the scene and dates. Others make it simpler by simply calling me a slut. I’m also supposedly ‘intelligent’ though that label leaves me bewildered. Being ‘intelligent’ feels like it’s going to be a lot of responsibility. I’d much prefer to settle into my other alter-ego of being an arrogant prick. If my life were that of a super-hero, i think i’d have way too many alter-egos for me to attend to. I do wish sometimes that people actually ask me before slapping me with an identity.
I used to care what people think and say about me. Especially the people who looked up to me. I didn’t think twice about lying to them just to maintain the perception they have of me. (Gotta admit that being regarded as a love guru is kinda fun) It’s funny when i think about it, i wouldn’t think twice about lying to the people’s whose opinions of me matter but i couldn’t care less about the haters. Then again, that was all in the past…
After a relatively heart breaking relationship which lasted about 6 months (yes, i know 6 months isn’t a long time), i admit that i’m still in recovery. Not so much about the heart break, but rather, the pain i allowed myself to bear through. That’s why i decided to clarify things up now. It’s better for me to pace myself forward than to be pushed by another. So here it goes, my first step into self exploration and getting to know myself better.
I understand that i cannot control what other people think about me. Perception manipulation isn’t really my style either. I believe in free will, so whoever who reads this, evolve your perception of me however you’d like.
The ex from that relationship has been going around spreading nonsense about me. Some as farfetched as to insinuating that i’m the sort that would date people for monetary benefits. Others include me being an overly emotional and emotion draining, toxic, person.
I believe strongly in one phrase. Only the 2 people within the relationship can understand what was truly going on in it. No matter how much info an outsider is fed, they’ll still never understand the full extend of the relationship. Close friends of us should know well enough if these allegations are truthful. Other’s who believe it are simply choosing to be silly.
Another ‘super’ label i’m slapped with is that of a boy-friend stealing ho’. (okay, maybe i’m exaggerating on the whore part =P ) This label is courtesy of an ex of an acquaintance of mine. The name of this ex of my acquaintance has 6 letters and starts with the letter ‘F’.(No prizes for guessing it right 
) From what i can gather, since he’s break up, in-between his hop from one bed post to another, he sees a need to tell people who know me (or, of me) that i tried to come between him and his ex. This much i know is a fact because he managed to hopped onto the bed post of a friend and did that routine on him.
Whether he moves (or hops) as fast as a flea is not my business. But to all who would like to hear a clarification, i didn’t make a move on his now ex-boyfriend. Seeing that he wasn’t my type in the first place. Nor would our position in bed be even the slightest bit compatible. I looked up to him as a friend and nothing more. Insecurities that one have in their own relationship should not be projected elsewhere.
Whatever the case, arrogant, intelligent, childish, mature, toxic, jovial, love guru, boyfriend stealing whore or bitch. They’re not me. They may be part of my personality, but we can’t fragment ourselves up to see what we choose to see. I’ve chosen to spoken up now not because i feel the need to defend myself nor start some drama. I just don’t see the need of why i have to keep myself silent and bear the brunt of all the shit. Just because i never spoke up, doesn’t mean i’m afraid to or guilty. I simply didn’t wish to spread and attack anyone further.
I’m starting anew. The only advice i have to offer after going through all this is simply know yourself. There’s no one who can hurt you unless you allow them to. Toughen your heart to deal with things that intimidate you. Never allow rumors and lies take you down. If anything, let it be your driving force. I guess that’s all for now. FIGHTING! =)
Johnathon Kwok
