I’ve been given many identities by various people. Some deem me as a love guru due to my many ventures about the scene and dates. Others make it simpler by simply calling me a slut. I’m also supposedly ‘intelligent’ though that label leaves me bewildered. Being ‘intelligent’ feels like it’s going to be a lot of responsibility. I’d much prefer to settle into my other alter-ego  of being an arrogant prick. If my life were that of a super-hero, i think i’d have way too many alter-egos for me to attend to. I do wish sometimes that people actually ask me before slapping me with an identity.

I used to care what people think and say about me. Especially the people who looked up to me. I didn’t think twice about lying to them just to maintain the perception they have of me. (Gotta admit that being regarded as a love guru is kinda fun) It’s funny when i think about it, i wouldn’t think twice about lying to the people’s whose opinions of me matter but i couldn’t care less about the haters. Then again, that was all in the past…

After a relatively heart breaking relationship which lasted about 6 months (yes, i know 6 months isn’t a long time), i admit that i’m still in recovery. Not so much about the heart break, but rather, the pain i allowed myself to bear through. That’s why i decided to clarify things up now. It’s better for me to pace myself forward than to be pushed by another. So here it goes, my first step into self exploration and getting to know myself better.

I understand that i cannot control what other people think about me. Perception manipulation isn’t really my style either. I believe in free will, so whoever who reads this, evolve your perception of me however you’d like.

The ex from that relationship has been going around spreading nonsense about me. Some as farfetched as to insinuating that i’m the sort that would date people for monetary benefits. Others include me being an overly emotional and emotion draining, toxic, person.

I believe strongly in one phrase. Only the 2 people within the relationship can understand what was truly going on in it. No matter how much info an outsider is fed, they’ll still never understand the full extend of the relationship. Close friends of us should know well enough if these allegations are truthful. Other’s who believe it are simply choosing to be silly.

Another ‘super’ label i’m slapped with is that of a boy-friend stealing ho’. (okay, maybe i’m exaggerating on the whore part =P ) This label is courtesy of an ex of an acquaintance of mine.  The name of this ex of my acquaintance has 6 letters and starts with the letter ‘F’.(No prizes for guessing it right ) From what i can gather, since he’s break up, in-between his hop from one bed post to another, he sees a need to tell people who know me (or, of me) that i tried to come between him and his ex. This much i know is a fact because he managed to hopped onto the bed post of a friend and did that routine on him.

Whether he moves (or hops) as fast as a flea is not my business. But to all who would like to hear a clarification, i didn’t make a move on his now ex-boyfriend. Seeing that he wasn’t my type in the first place. Nor would our position in bed be even the slightest bit compatible. I looked up to him as a friend and nothing more. Insecurities that one have in their own relationship should not be projected elsewhere.

Whatever the case, arrogant, intelligent, childish, mature, toxic, jovial, love guru, boyfriend stealing whore or bitch. They’re not me. They may be part of my personality, but we can’t fragment ourselves up to see what we choose to see. I’ve chosen to spoken up now not because i feel the need to defend myself nor start some drama. I just don’t see the need of why i have to keep myself silent and bear the brunt of all the shit. Just because i never spoke up, doesn’t mean i’m afraid to or guilty. I simply didn’t wish to spread and attack anyone further.

I’m starting anew. The only advice i have to offer after going through all this is simply know yourself. There’s no one who can hurt you unless you allow them to. Toughen your heart to deal with things that intimidate you. Never allow rumors and lies take you down. If anything, let it be your driving force. I guess that’s all for now. FIGHTING!  =)

Johnathon Kwok

This year, my friends are going about the same routine. Frantically shopping for gifts, wish-lists, requesting gifts in return and where about to host the most fabulous of parties. The more invites and request and gift ideas that came to me, the more irritated I felt. They hold grudges and bar friends from their events. Everything on the list was simply branded and(to me) ridiculous.

People asked what my wish list is. So here it is.

1)    I wish for my future to be a happy one

2)    I wish for my friends to be happy

3)    I want to see more smiles around in my family

4)    I want to be able to spend more time and catch up with my friends

Nothing materialistic. I am contented with my material needs as it is right now.

With all that said, I’m also pleased to say that at this moment, I have found my x’mas spirit back. It wasn’t some perilous pilgrimage nor divine intervention. It was a scene, which I found extremely heartwarming, and also the actions of a friend.

The scene was simply parents carrying their children and toddlers into the air. Watching the kids attempt to grab the ‘snow’ coming out from the x’mas décor outside the shopping centre. For some reason, I found that very heart warming. Simple pleasures which produced genuine happiness.

As for the actions of my friend, he surprised me and got me a gift. (Yes I was genuinely surprised) But it wasn’t so much of the gift itself as compared to the message that came along with it. He sent me a SMS after we parted ways hoping that my Christmas spirit would come back to me soon and that the gift would make my x’mas less bitter-sweet.

I feel that seeing and receiving all that, if I still didn’t get my spirit back, I’d be the grinch!

But really, I do miss being a kid. The idea of Santa and Christmas and everything is so much simpler and more fun back then. No worries about politics. No worries about hidden agenda. (though I think that ‘be good or you won’t receive a present’ is a bit blackmail like don’t you think?)

I refuse to conform to society and cultural upbringing. We worry too much over materialistic and unimportant stuff when we could spend the time and obsession to care for a friend in need.

I want to believe that the Christmas spirit isn’t just some words people throw around. I say fuck the cynical non-believers who jest at the idea of Christmas being a time for forgiveness and simply having a fantastic time catching up with friends.

They’ll never take my believes, energy or individuality away from me. And I hope it’s the same for whoever is reading this. Stay strong! I believe that deep down inside, everyone has a part in them where they want to celebrate Christmas just like a child again. Simple, honest, genuine. My only question is, what’s stopping you?

Here’s to wishing you a fabulous Christmas ahead and please don’t forget to spend some special time for your loved ones, family and close friends. They’ll definitely appreciate it

Johnathon Kwok

It’s a constant competition to see who can ‘one-up’ the other. Competitions can drive to push you forward or pull you down. How one chooses to deal with it, it’s up to yourself.

In my case, I have a older brother. I’m extremely proud to say that i have a brother like him. Never ashamed, never daunted and unafraid of how the world views him. He’s the sort of guy who probably has the line ‘My way or the highway’ printed on a tee. To me, he’s someone who is very confident and proud of himself. Self assured is how i would describe him i guess. I do look up to him a lot and i cannot think of a better brother to have. (Not to say that we never had our fights)

I always did feel (and sometimes still do) feel inferior to him. It seems like i can never get out of this shadow of his and the comparisons never stopped. From relatives to friends and even strangers. At one point, i was extremely agitated and hated being compared. I wanted my work and my life to be that of my own. I wanted to be seen as myself. Why is it that everything i did is always over shadowed by my brother? I wanted to be the lead too! Not just a supporting cast! It made me want to distance myself from my own brother. I didn’t really wanted to be associated with him. When i came out of the closet, many people asked me if i was just simply following my brother’s footstep because he had came out of the closet too.  I was extremely irked by that.

For me, it became an obsession of wanting to run away from my brother’s shadow. How could i escape from merely being seen as the little brother? 2 friends helped me realized what i was doing and how stupid i really was.

The first friend is Kalvin. I remember being scolded by him for having such an unhealthy obsession.

He said “Be glad that you only have your brother’s shadow to think about! Some people have difficulty getting away from their past and their own shadows! You should be glad that you have an older brother looking out for you in this community!”  It’s kinda funny how i still remember this seeing that this conversation was about 4 years ago. But it really did touch me. I was creating all this needless nonsense for nothing.

Another person that really helped me realized something is a friend named Benjamin. He helped me realize, there is nothing to feel bad or inferior about myself. Mutual friends may compare and even put me down when talking about me and my brother in the same conversation. But Ben really helped me realize that my brother has his strong suits. But i have mine too. Just like an apple and an orange. We are both strong individuals.

I guess in some way, its normal for siblings to wanna compare themselves to each other. But what i believe in strongly now is simply being comfortable who you are. No matter what anyone else says. I’m not totally immune to being compared and put down. And if there is a trigger in a conversation that can make me lose my composure, it’ll be my relationship with my family. But at least i know what i want and that is to be a happier person

For everyone who feels inferior to another person, just remember that you always have a spark in you thats unique to yourself.

Johnathon Kwok

Song for this post: Firework by Katy Perry!

I’m going to split this post into 2 different segments. First part is my story. For all who is going through what i have, i hope it helps you get through the darkest and bleakest of your teenage years. The second part is for everyone else regardless of your race, believes or orientation.

In my teenage years, i was enrolled in an all-boys missionary secondary school. I got along well with my friends, just hanging out and doing delinquent stuff. Skipping school, playing with lighters, vandalizing stuff etc. But i knew i was different because i was gay. I kept it a secret in the first 2 years of my school life because i was afraid of the consequences of coming out. I’d hate myself for joining in at insulting another person for being effeminate just because i wanted to prove that i wasn’t gay. I guess, for me, the need to belong was more important than being truthful about who i am. This went on for the first 2 years of my secondary school life.

When i was in secondary 3, at age 15, i had a realization.I really wanted to know if these people i considered friends for the past 2 years, and some even more, would love me as a friend despite me being different. I singled them out and told them privately. 3 words was all i needed.

“I am gay”

The reactions i got was instantaneous and came from everywhere. Within a week, word had gotten around to the student body. I was officially the walking insult target in my school. In classes, my classmates would move their tables as far as they could from me. No one would talk to me while i had my food. People distanced themselves as much as they could from me in case they would be mistaken for being gay as well. It was really the bleakest moment for me. Within 365 days of a year, i would spend 360 of them in a depressed state. I would blame myself:

“Why am i gay?”

“Why can’t i be normal?”

“What the fuck was wrong with me?!”

I couldn’t snap out of it. Things toke a worse turn after i came out to my family as well. I really needed someone but everyone alienated me. My mum and i couldn’t speak to each other for weeks. I started to wonder why this was all happening. Was my mum crying because i am abnormal? What is so wrong with me that i had to be ostracized?

Back in school, i had new names. Faggot, queer, sissy, ah gua (chinese dialect for sissy). It was the lowest moment in my life that i have every felt. I blamed myself. I believed that i had it coming. It was at that moment that i contemplated suicide. I really just wanted it to end. I would look out the kitchen window of my flat and wondered what it would feel like if i just jumped. Would anyone miss me? Or would people celebrate the death of yet another faggot? Or perhaps, i’ll just disappear amongst all the other news.

It toke me a lot of time and effort to not take the easy way out. I felt unjustified. Why should i be suppressed just because i am different. We are all unique in our own way. I felt the need to shine. I wanted to prove to my school that being gay wasn’t a sin. It isn’t a disease that makes us less capable than our heterosexual counterpart. I felt the need to prove myself. And so i did. I directed and wrote a script for my school’s drama club that won them first place. From being the most hated person, i was starting to become more approachable.  But with that, also came people with more hatred for me. I was still harassed constantly by people. No one wanted to stand up for me either. But it was fine for me at that point of time. I felt that i could fend for myself.

One day, during break, i was in my classroom. It was still crowded with students despite it being break. One of the boys who constantly ridiculed and taunted me came in to disturb me. I was so used to it by then that i just didn’t wanted to react to it. I was just doing my own stuff and ignoring the insults thrown my way. I guess that irritated him. Next thing i knew, he grabbed me and pulled me to the front of the class with his friends and molested me. He stuffed his hands into my pants and inside my underwear and started grabbing me. I was pinned to the white board and while molesting me, they were throwing insults me. When they were done, they left the classroom laughing. I guess i was in shock. No one helped me. No one did anything. I really felt disgusted.

The next day, 2  boys from my club came to call me out of class to the principal’s office. It was then that i learnt that after i was molested, they felt undignified for me and reported this to the principal. It was the warmest thing that anyone had did for me in the 4 years which i was in the school. Everything started to take a turn for the better. I started to see who are true friends to me. The insults never stopped, the bullying never stopped. But i knew who my friends were and who are the people i know got my back.

It gets better. Don’t throw  away your life because of these senseless fools. Stand strong and find the strength within yourself. Things will get better, you just have to push forward. Don’t give up.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Like i said at the start, this is a 2 part post.

This post is for everyone else. Please stop the bullying. If you see someone getting bullied, please stand up for them. I don’t care what your religion and believes say. We are all humans and we should be able to find the capacity within ourselves to love each other. We all deserve to be happy and given the chance to have a happy ending. Recently, the UN chief Ban Ki-moon made the appeal to all nations to repeal the laws which discriminate against the LGBT community and individuals.

I may not be a big shot UN chief but i appeal to everyone who may be reading this. It’s not just about the law. It’s also about the man. Help another human in need. Don’t judge by the label of ‘Gay’ or ‘Lesbian’. Help each other and spread the word. Don’t hate and speak up for the suppressed and bullied. I urge you to please stop the bullying, discrimination and violence wherever it is coming from. I have been through it and i would not wish it upon anyone else. Please help each other out.

Johnathon Kwok

It gets better. I promise.

Time: 5:24pm

Location: Starbucks @ NorthPoint

My intention originally was to write a post with regards to honesty. What would be the extent that honesty is acceptable in this community. Then i thought, fuck it. What you choose to be honest about is your business and i really couldn’t care less. If you want to know my views about honesty, ask me.

I want to talk about something that i may have touched on before. The state of mind of a person.

I’ve been told before that i write in a very negative way. I come across as a cynical grinch who’s main objective is to burst the dreams of others. After reading some of my previous posts, i actually agree. Recently i’ve been getting to try to know myself more. What defines me as being a bitch? What drives me to be the person i am?  Have had lots of time to give things some thought and i have now a resolution.

To be a more positive person

I find that after being negative and cynical for the first 18 years of my life, it’s taken a toll on me. Warping my perception, thoughts and even actions. It drains and exhaust my mind and body. I don’t think in any case, it would ever be considered healthy. Why the sudden choice? Well, allow me to bring you readers a slight bit into the mind of a cynic.

When speaking to someone new. Perhaps it’s a pleasant looking chap with strong features or a lengthy babe approaching you with a seductive slink in her movement. But you’ll never be able to pay attention to any of because the only thing you are able to is stay hook. The circle of people you surround yourself with are merely people who shadows your opinions.

It’s difficult to stay negative constantly, but somehow, it’s addictive. I believe that not everyone was meant to be a hero. There always have to be a villain. But with time, i realized. I’m no longer able to categorize nor stereotype myself. I did unto myself what i have always resented. Labeling.

Perhaps a simple way to phrase it would be that i am enlightened. Sounds weird, but hear me out. We are constantly surrounded by an overwhelming amount of information. Majority of what we remember is directly proportional to how it affects us. Most people don’t remember exactly when the Bird flu or H1N1 strains started. But we will never forget the period of time in which pandemonium was let loose around the world. Reason being? It affected us one way or another. If it was a small contained outbreak, would anyone care? Would anyone even remember it ever happened?

Similarly, when we hear feedback about ourselves, we cling to them. (good or bad)  It has taken me quite awhile but i think i’m confident enough at my stage of my life to receive comments and feed back and say ‘thank you. and fuck you very much=P ‘

Life is short. Staying negative only makes it much more dreadful to get through. Be confident, be proud and most importantly, be comfortable with who you are. When you die, you’ll still end up in that little urn on some boxy shelf. Why not make the best of it instead of having to constantly stay negative? I hope in some way, my writings have resonated within you while you are reading it. Lets be able to look up in the sky and see the clouds and birds and absorb the beauty of nature without just whining about the heat wave

Look forward for the next post

Much love,

Johnathon Kwok

ps. I know i said i’m going to be positive. But of cuz i’m not going to go all peagenty/cheerleader-ish on you. You know its not a good look on me

Recently i know an acquaintance who takes it upon her to decide and suggest to me how i should be seeing things and how my perception is warped. Ironically, this friend uses her background in psychology to define what can and cannot be faulted. I’m going to put it out there for all my friends who have studied psychology intensively or just on a basic level. When someone makes a statement and mocks another religion (whether that someone has a background in the religion in qns or not) can they be faulted for it?

If you ask me, i say YES. When someone makes a statement, whether they are using their personal background or other forms of it, they have to be responsible for it. Just because you are gathering from your past experience does not make any of what you say justified. A question to anyone reading this post. We as the general public are not trained SPECIALLY in psychology so i will use layman terms.  If someone makes a statement based on his past experience (be it one which is sexist, racist or simply wrong), should they bear responsibility for it?

To the acquaintance who tried to overshadow me and my perception with her psychology background. I have something to apologize for. I apologize that you education failed you. Because i thought that you occupation required you to listen and not judge others. Clearly i’m mistakened. And i feel fortunate that other psychologist and counsellors i know are nothing like you. You preach constantly about everyone’s right. But yet here you are time and time again telling me how i SHOULD be thinking. The world does not revolve around you and i DONT have to share the same perception as you. Don’t take it upon your god given right to lecture me about perception. At least mine isn’t that warped that i cant see when someone is blatantly insulting and mocking. FYI. if i am on my way to self destruction because i refuse to share the same perception as you, then you know what, i’ll see you right at the detonation point, because your ideals and perception are just as warped.

For those who think i’m simply against christians or catholics, allow me to clarify. I do not criticize or QUESTION other people’s right to their own religion, beliefs and faiths. I think everyone should be given the leeway to practice their own rituals and faith however they please. Personally, i’m atheist. I don’t believe in the existence of a higher being. Cosmic energy, maybe. But not a higher being. I do not side any religion specifically. I do and have told people off for disrespecting other people’s religion. No one religion is better than any other.

With regards to the video i posted on my facebook. I stand by my decision. That pastor has no respect for another religion. Using his half-knowledge to preach and make inappropriate jabs at another religion is unbecoming of  a pastor. Jesus isnt the only truth in the world. For those of you who have never heard it, this video of pastor mark ng from New Creations Church can be found all over online.

For now, NCC has released an apology and said they’ll be making sure the sermon doesn’t further distribute. Seems right but i wonder if the member of the public will accept it. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Johnathon

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with the coming of a new year. On one hand, i’m looking forward to the new year for a new start. On the other hand, i’d rather not recap the years that have past because most of the times i’ll end up with regrets and the ‘What could have been’ moments of the year.

But i’m guessing that there is only so much that we can choose to escape from. So it’s now time to face up to it.

In this year, my family life has somewhat hit a new low. (Or a new high, depending on how you look at it) Arguments everywhere. Tempers flaring. Already did my best to handle it. Perhaps certain situations could have been handled better. But i doubt the outcome would have differed much. This issue toke up basically most of my energy this year. Draining me thoroughly. Sometimes, i wonder if the situation that i have to handle is really as bad as i think it is, or is it that i have now adopted a ‘woe is me’ attitude. Kinda hard to figure that part out when i’m already stuck knee deep into the situation. Hopefully this change in address will do me some good.

So with that, resolution number 1) To better the relationship with all my family members.

With regards to friends, quite a few arguments happened. Lost a few friends, gained a few. Doesn’t seem like much was lost. Some friends stepped up to situations and showed me how much they mean to me (and vice versa) while others showed me disappointment. At the end of this year, i bear no grudges. I remember no misdeeds. So let all the negativity be forgotten.

Resolution number 2)  To open up more to close friends and make more of an effort to maintain relationships with friends.

My studies toke quite a bad blow this year with all the happenings. Was actually contemplating deferring my studies for a year. Would really hate to fail on my part just because i can’t cope with the stress. Was convinced by one of my lecturers to continue on. Thus, plan B. Am now seeing my school’s counsellor to cope with all these stuff.

Resolution Number 3) To raise my GPA.

Time to shorten this post because i still have to pack in view that i am moving tomorrow.

Resolution number 4) To workout more. Not entirely because i wanna look good but also because i wanna feel good. Hate being sick all the time.

Resolution Number 5) Hopefully, a relationship that works out and last.

That’s all. 2010 is gonna be a time for major change for me i guess. Hoping with every fiber in my body that this change will be for the better.  That’s it i guess. The last post for 2009. Thank you 2009. It’s been a rocky, eventful and exhausting year. But thank you nonetheless. It’s time to welcome 2010…

Johnathon Kwok

P.s. Which countdown party will you be going to? I’ll be at Superstar Blastoff. Let me know if any of you guys will be going =)

Wishlist for x’mas 2009!

1) It would be like TOTALLY awesome if someone could get me Lady GaGa endorsed Heartbeat head phones. My headphones died on me! =(    [other models from Dr Dre or the exact same headphones of mine will do as well]   =P

2) Accessories! Cuz a boy can never have too much accessories! Trying to find those rings for 2/3 fingers. Hard to find.

3) Clinique Happy for Men. Love the scent!

4) A rubber watch i can wear to exercise!

5) Hmm. Anyone knows where i can get track shoes? My track shoes are somewhat spoilt.

6) Iphone + accessories!  [Just putting it here for fun cuz my mum is already getting it for me within the next 2 weeks]

7) Shoes? Toys? or a nice jacket? I love me my jackets =P

I shall wish upon a star that i at least get the headphones i want!  My headphones died!

- – - – - -

Now, on to the main post!

It’s christmas! The time of giving and receiving! What we receive and give is up to us, and thus also up to us to choose how we respond to it. Those closer would probably know of the nonsense in my life by now. Shan’t go into the tedious long story but i will say this much. After going through such nonsense (still ongoing), i have found that however bad a situation may be, it’s up to us to choose how to deal with it. So life has dealt u a bad hand. You still have the choice to fold on go on betting.

While dealing with the ongoing in my family life, there’s always bound to be friends and problems that arise. For some reason, i have a strong believe that trouble attracts even more troubles. There’s one thing about me. I try my very best not to take nor receive any relationship advice. Not because i’m very confident in myself and my methods but rather, what works for others might not work for you. Similarly, i don’t give relationship advice unless asked for because it does seem somewhat wrong to impose my idea of what a relationship should be unto another person. To me, a relationship is about 2 people and how they blend with each other. Thus recently when i was dragged into the relationship of a friend and made to be a peace maker. Though unwilling, i still stupidly went along with it. Until it blew up in my face and i became collateral damage.

Giving and receiving belongs in the same plane held in intricate balance. You can’t have double standard to choose what you actually want to accept. If you do already wish to give advice, you’ll have to be prepared to receive advice with regards to your own relationship as well. After all, none of us are perfect and neither is our relationship. Evaluate someone’s r/s and risk your own being evaluated.

On a lighter note, isn’t the term ‘Giving and Receiving’ so kinky? Sauna’s like absolut should put up an xmas promotion! Cum in with the spirit of christmas. Be open to the art of giving and receiving! =P

Love you guys lots. Give and receive safely yea? =)

Johnathon

ps. All the items on the wishlist can be bought in singapore! Let me know if you need me to tell you the place to buy it. =)

I would love for some views. Do you believe in love and why?

- – - – - – -

Let’s put aside the question of parental love or sibling love. Lets focus on love that revolves around the cliche term, the one. I know it’s a cliche topic but most people shy away from it because they have no opinions or experience with regards to the idea of love.

In current times, break ups and getting together is so common that most of us are jaded to the news. Wishes and blessings are fake. Each wish and blessings comes with the preparation of consoling the person after a break up. When you hear about a break up, do you really feel shocked? After awhile of repeating the same steps again and again, it gets tiresome. Games that are played (mind fucking if you wish) gets old and exhausting. Guess it justifies why some people have given up on the notion of love completely.

With relevance to the gay community, i don’t see how being coy and meek is exactly suitable. While knowing someone new, the ever so seductive game of figuring out the other person’s preferred position. Being in a gay relationship is difficult enough thanks to society. But yet, we always seem to enjoy making it more difficult for ourselves. Seemingly, it ends up like a check list. Does the person’s sexual position suit yours? Does the things he like in the bed apply to you and vice versa?

- – - – - – -

So here’s what i think. When it comes to love, be aggressive! (Not necessarily stalker like) But rather, if you do like the person, express yourself instead of wondering when the person will do so. Some games does seem appealing at times, but what’s better than being straight forward and telling the person you like.

We play games in the hope of the other party expressing their feelings first to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. News flash: In any relationship, it will still bound to hurt from time to time whether u choose to admit it or not.

I never understood why we have restricted ourselves when it comes to relationships and love.  I believe that sex is part of a relationship, not the other way round. It’s ultimately the companionship we need.

- – - – - – -

So to end it off, i’m an old fashion romanticist. I enjoy my relationship plain simple and sweet. I can’t adapt myself to the modern interpretation of love like open relationships or the ability to separate love and sex. I’m just another boy who enjoys finding my partner and as exhausting as it might be, i hold on to my faith. Remember! Go for the person you want! Sure you open yourself up to being rejected. But at least if u get rejected you can move on right? Rather than having to constantly wonder and getting all depressed by yourself. I wish you all the best in your experiences in love!  =)

xoxo

Johnathon

ps. Song of the week for me is “Unforgettable by Megan Mullally and Sean Hayes” performed in the grand finale of Will and Grace. It’s in the widget box on the right. —>  Click and have a listen!  Cheers!

At what age did you come out?

Simple question but answers would differ a lot depending on which generation you are brought up in. For me, I came out at the age of 15 (3 years ago) . To some, that’s too young while others might have came out even earlier. I would say that i stumbled out of the closet. I confided in a classmate who had a pretty big mouth and spread it through my class. Those that already know this story, bear with me.

That classmate, let’s call him chris, then told the ‘mat’ of my class who then shouted out ‘Johnathon likes guys!‘ during my Civics and moral education. One things lead to another and soon everyone in my level knows of my sexual orientation. For the next 2 years, i then had to put up with name calling and the likes. Help me see who were my true friends in school though. Family wise, my mum had some difficulty at first. Lead to a few awkward and silent months. But after awhile, things went back to normal and right now me and my mum are as close as can be.

Compared to others, my story probably seems like a fairy tale. Won’t deny that compared to others, i do seem to have a rather easier time. But i’ve got to admit that at the age of 15, coming out wasn’t that difficult. Plus my mum more or less accepted me for who i am. However, i wont deny that 15 is still a pretty young age to come out. But it seems these days, it seems that the age of boys coming out is getting younger and younger. I’m not too sure if i’m the right person to comment, but coming out at the ages of 12 and all does seem a little bit scary. What exactly cause them to come out at a younger age? Is it that they are more experienced or is more able to obtain information now a days?

Hmm, who’s to say whether it’s a good or bad thing to come out at such a young age. Hopefully those that do choose to step into the circle at such a tender age, will value themselves.  Looking back for myself, as much as there are some bad choices that i made when i’m younger, i don’t think that there is any that i have regretted very much on.

Hopefully, i’ll be able to maintain this streak for a long time. Life’s alittle too short to be simply looking back. =)

Johnathon Kwok

ps.  Here’s a quote from Gossip Girl for you!  In every threesome, there is always twosome and a onesome.